I can think again

Living one and a half blocks away from Castro street has its benefits, but being around on Halloween is not one of them. Thankfully, the festivities stopped, and with them the rhythmic vibration of all our windows.

A & I managed to have a nice night together - making a small feast of our newly arrived produce box (tonight we snacked on a pomegranate while preparing fresh Blue Lake green beans, baking an acorn squash, and accompanying it with a great spanish rice...

Which brings me to a book I just starting reading, After the Ecstacy, the Laundry by Jack Kornfield. I'm barely past the introduction, and no, I don't claim to have achieved enlightenment (though I personally believe enlightenment to be a state we get peeks at, not achieve permanantly), so I may be off base here... It seems the gist of the book, fairly self-explanatory as it is, is how to deal with the really real stuff in your life regardless of where you spiritual path takes you.

I feel like that's what I've been doing for the last month or so. The accident, of course, brought things back to some fundamental basics - the life part. After a pretty spiritually heavy couple of months, I have let life flow a bit, without tripping myself out. Too much.

I came to two realizations on Yom Kippur (where, btw, Jack spoke). The things that were really weighing heavily on my mind were a need for community - real committed community - and the fact that our trip to India really changed my life. The first of those I have been putting a lot of energy into at Beyt Tikkun. It is a work in progress, but has brought me great joy so far. The second bit I am just sitting with for the time being. Just allowing myself to think that has changed the way I'm approaching people, work, and life at the moment.

Speaking of life, again, I had (am having) an amazing re-connection experience with a long-lost friend. I haven't seen Joe in over seven years, and have thought about him, off and on, all that time. We were really good friends in college, and I always felt a psychic bond with him, even when we were apart. So, I would occassionally try to feed his name into the latest search engine or people-finder, and always came up empty. My last attempt was a few months ago, when I found him on our school's alumni finder. My luck with that thing hasn't been great, so I didn't hold out much hope. After a few days without a response, I forgot about it. Imagine my surprise, then, when I get an email from him 10 days ago from GREECE of all places! We have been corresponding (I owe him a note - I should be writing that instead of this), and it has been amazing. Joe - I love you!!!

One last thing, for those of you thinking I might be a Halloween stick-in-the-mud (a not entirely untrue characterization). A & I dressed up for a party last weekend, as skeletons. After 3 weeks of thinking pretty intensely about my health & wellness, it was pretty liberating to be dead. (No, that's not a cry for help)

Slacking...so soon?

Much of my energy these days is going toward:

a) getting healthy

and
b) Dor Hadash

It's silly to think that I'll be getting to the things I said I'd be getting to, so I'm allowing myself clean slate status for the next time I post...

-dc

Bentsching Gomel

Baby smash.JPG
Originally uploaded by Amberly & David.

The prayer of Gomel is said when returning from a dangerous journey. I would certainly count Friday as such! I was rear-ended on the Golden Gate Bridge while stopped in traffic. My poor car took the brunt of the impact. We shall see what insurance and the body shop can do. This brings up a couple of things for me.

The first relates to Sukkot. I spent the better part of yesterday in rabbi Lerner's sukkah with the congregation, praying, drashing and studying about sukkot and ecclesiastes. The topic of impermanence, so prevalent in our discussions in the temporary dwelling, really hit home for me.

For the last eight years, my car (Bionic Baby, nee Baby) has been a pretty permanent fixture in my life. At 135k miles, I was figuring it would be for a few years more. With the very real possibility of the car being marked up as a total loss, the prospect of being carless is very freeing. We are looking into the possibility of using City Carshare for our driving needs, and not dealing with having a car for a while. What a concept! The smashing of my car has brought about a wonderful feeling of freedom.

Secondly, the prayer of Gomel. We said an ad hoc version of it yesterday in the sukkah. It was really amazing to surround myself with people in my time of needing healing (somewhat for my minor whiplash, and more for my bruised and traumatized psyche). Thanks to everybody there. I found the transliteration online, and also found that it is only meant to be said with a minyan. This makes sense, since the act is necessarily one that needs a community to complete it.

I want to share that communal prayer with you, and ask you to give me that spiritual feedback in whichever way you want. I include the traditional response below as well.

Baruch Atah adonay eloheynu melech ha’olam shegomel lechayavim tovot shegmalani kol tov.
Blessed are you, Lord, our Gd, Ruler of the Universe, who bestows good to the living and who has dealt great goodness upon me.

Baruch atah adonay eloheynu melech ha’olam shehechiyanu vikiyamanu vehigianu lazman hazeh.
Blessed are you, Lord, our Gd, Ruler of the Universe, for giving us life, for sustaining us, and for enabling us to reach this day.

Communal Response:
Mi shegmalcha kol tuv hu yigmalcha kol tov selah.
May the One who has been gracious (or shown kindness) to you continue to favor you with all that is good (show kindness to you) forever.

Ameyn

Meditation Log - settling down

After weeks of really struggling, either with thoughts or physical discomfort (my back, in the process of being healed, sometimes can't quite come to stasis), this week I've been more settled and able to focus. It's a quiet revelation - I don't need to argue with myself.

This blog really needs some pictures.

My Personal Al Cheyt

I want to add my voice to the multitude with a forgiveness of myself, as a vehicle for both forgiving others and setting a right path for the coming year.

Forgive me for:
Letting myself be guided by the fear of what might not be, instead of the possibility of what could;
Not realizing that I have enough and I am enough;
Holding on to material things and letting them substitute for the experiences and meaning I associate with them;
Not releasing tension;
Being beholden to my ego;
Not reaching out to others often enough;
Allowing myself to get caught up in the judgements of others;
Not recognizing the spirit of Gd in others;
Wishing I was somewhere other than where I am;
Not letting go and trusting;
Splitting myself from the reality of the universe;
Not seeing that I am one with the earth;
Being lazy, mentally, emotionally, and physically;
Not taking care of my body, my heart, and my soul;
Distracting myself from the task at hand;
Not being part of the solution;

For all these shortcomings, may the Force that makes forgiveness possible forgive me, pardon me, and make at-one-ment possible.

Prayers and Blessings

As the hours wind toward Kol Nidre, I am thinking of people in my life, and wanting to send out an electronic blessing, as well as ask for your prayers, in addition to the face-to-face contact I've made/will make with them.

First, I ask for your thoughts & prayers for my mother, whose recent CT scan revealed that her lymphoma is on the march again. She will start a course of treatment which is very new and has worked for her before. She has been an inspiration in her life's actions since being diagnosed six (seven?) years ago, traveling, learning and doing more than ever. May she be inscribed in the book of life for another year of health and vigor. I love you, mom.

Also for my father and sister, living with diabetes. And my father-in-law, may he find soon a cure for his pain and ailments. I love you all.

Next, a blessing to all the people starting anew this year - homes, relationships, jobs, etc.: Julie in Vermont, Lisa & Quentin in Colorado, Christina in San Francisco, Christy in Chicago, Dor Hadash and all its recent East Coast transplants, (for us trying to concieve a child), Jeff & Shauna in their upcoming nuptuals (SF), Garrett & Karla in New York, Nora (my sis!) in SoCal, Wendy & Michael in Philly. I love you all, and may you find richness, fulfillment and happiness in your new endeavors.

Last, to all of my friends and family, and everyone in the Tikkun community, everyone working for peace & a greater distribution of loving kindness in the world, and their friends and their families - bless us, YHVH, with complete blessing, that we may heal & transform the world this new year, making it a place centered on love and the recognition of the Gd energy in all of us.

AMEN!

New Beginnings

Part of what has been heavy on my mind these last few weeks has been a longing for community, a sense that wholeness would come again by connecting with a group of folks with whom I could share celebrations and jewish practice, as well as connect with on a personal level.

The idea had been gestating in my heart for some time and in my mind for some time more. With the help of a few amazing folks, Dor Hadash was launched last week. We had an amazing Shabbat Potluck (a bit light on the Kabbalat, since there weren't any siddurim!) with 25 amazing folks. It felt like both an act of Teshuvah and Tikkun - turning back on a missed deed and healing a little corner of the world. The joy in the room was palpable. Thanks to all involved.

Also, I know I'm behind on a post or two - forgive me. I'll hopefully write more this coming week.