Stepping Away

My favorite art period is impressionism because only when you step away does the painting come into focus. I feel like that's what's happening as I get farther and farther away from our lives in San Francisco. The preciousness of the friendships, bonds and community we had there gets clearer with every mile we drive away. Also, the shape of my life past and the signposts to what might be to come are becoming more evident.

Just as I write that last sentence, I have to check myself. On sleepless nights like these, when I get in the grip of a passion, the world crystallizes into a certainty that usually vanishes by morning. Even so, seeing my old friend Wendy today and talking ever briefly about the rabbinical school idea, I'm gripped once again. I think moments of transition call for thoughts of stability, a yin-yang. I expect that as we settle into life in Spain, where these competing forces are more equally balanced, my perspective will again shift.

Even so, the questions I need to explore seem pretty clear:

• Why do I want to do this?
• Is there something else I could do to fulfill this need?
• What will I do with it? (Is the answer to this different than that to the first?)
• Could I do these things in some other way?

Becoming?

Chag sameach, if a bit belatedly. This blog has gotten neglected a bit in my many goings-on relating to wine, food and Spain. We are on our way across the country right now, unemployed and homeless, so I find myself with more time on my hands.

I have also had an interesting turn of events as I was preparing to leave. In saying goodbye to Rabbi Lerner, he has started to encourage me to become a rabbi. The thought is not entirely his own, as it’s something I’ve half-seriously contemplated in the past. The rabbi, however, has put on the full-court pressure since our conversation, not letting a meeting go by without discussing it. As we broke the fast last week, he brought it up again. I hardly got any sleep that night, turning the idea around in my head very seriously for the first time.

After this many years, I have gotten to know myself and my passions. They run strong for a while before dissipating into nothing or becoming a real part of my psyche. So, I’m going to sit with this for a while and see where it goes. Christina likened it to the decision to get a tattoo — you let it percolate for about a year and then see how you feel about it. So, that will be the new energy for this blog: percolation.

It will be interesting to see what transpires in the course of the next year. From what I understand, Seville doesn’t have much of a (progressive) Jewish community, and Spain as a whole has very few Jews. I will be curious how our observances will play out and how that will affect my thoughts.

Stay tuned!