Meditation Log - settling down

After weeks of really struggling, either with thoughts or physical discomfort (my back, in the process of being healed, sometimes can't quite come to stasis), this week I've been more settled and able to focus. It's a quiet revelation - I don't need to argue with myself.

This blog really needs some pictures.

My Personal Al Cheyt

I want to add my voice to the multitude with a forgiveness of myself, as a vehicle for both forgiving others and setting a right path for the coming year.

Forgive me for:
Letting myself be guided by the fear of what might not be, instead of the possibility of what could;
Not realizing that I have enough and I am enough;
Holding on to material things and letting them substitute for the experiences and meaning I associate with them;
Not releasing tension;
Being beholden to my ego;
Not reaching out to others often enough;
Allowing myself to get caught up in the judgements of others;
Not recognizing the spirit of Gd in others;
Wishing I was somewhere other than where I am;
Not letting go and trusting;
Splitting myself from the reality of the universe;
Not seeing that I am one with the earth;
Being lazy, mentally, emotionally, and physically;
Not taking care of my body, my heart, and my soul;
Distracting myself from the task at hand;
Not being part of the solution;

For all these shortcomings, may the Force that makes forgiveness possible forgive me, pardon me, and make at-one-ment possible.

Prayers and Blessings

As the hours wind toward Kol Nidre, I am thinking of people in my life, and wanting to send out an electronic blessing, as well as ask for your prayers, in addition to the face-to-face contact I've made/will make with them.

First, I ask for your thoughts & prayers for my mother, whose recent CT scan revealed that her lymphoma is on the march again. She will start a course of treatment which is very new and has worked for her before. She has been an inspiration in her life's actions since being diagnosed six (seven?) years ago, traveling, learning and doing more than ever. May she be inscribed in the book of life for another year of health and vigor. I love you, mom.

Also for my father and sister, living with diabetes. And my father-in-law, may he find soon a cure for his pain and ailments. I love you all.

Next, a blessing to all the people starting anew this year - homes, relationships, jobs, etc.: Julie in Vermont, Lisa & Quentin in Colorado, Christina in San Francisco, Christy in Chicago, Dor Hadash and all its recent East Coast transplants, (for us trying to concieve a child), Jeff & Shauna in their upcoming nuptuals (SF), Garrett & Karla in New York, Nora (my sis!) in SoCal, Wendy & Michael in Philly. I love you all, and may you find richness, fulfillment and happiness in your new endeavors.

Last, to all of my friends and family, and everyone in the Tikkun community, everyone working for peace & a greater distribution of loving kindness in the world, and their friends and their families - bless us, YHVH, with complete blessing, that we may heal & transform the world this new year, making it a place centered on love and the recognition of the Gd energy in all of us.

AMEN!

New Beginnings

Part of what has been heavy on my mind these last few weeks has been a longing for community, a sense that wholeness would come again by connecting with a group of folks with whom I could share celebrations and jewish practice, as well as connect with on a personal level.

The idea had been gestating in my heart for some time and in my mind for some time more. With the help of a few amazing folks, Dor Hadash was launched last week. We had an amazing Shabbat Potluck (a bit light on the Kabbalat, since there weren't any siddurim!) with 25 amazing folks. It felt like both an act of Teshuvah and Tikkun - turning back on a missed deed and healing a little corner of the world. The joy in the room was palpable. Thanks to all involved.

Also, I know I'm behind on a post or two - forgive me. I'll hopefully write more this coming week.