Week Wrap-up

Oy, what a week it's been! This run-up to Rosh Hashana has been exhausting but exhilarating. To mention a couple of things briefly: Amberly & I are taking part in an interfaith discussion group, which started last Monday, and I started a course of tui na treatment with Terry (my tai chi instructor) to see about my back pain and supposed hip injury (another story for another time). Both positive, good things and part of my teshuvah, to be sure. But put that together with the ongoing class with Rabbi Lew, the S'lichot service at Rabbi Lerner's, and today's wonderful "Tools for Torah" class with Garry Koenigsberg, and you can see why I'm behind on posting relevant stuff to this blog!

I'll start in no particular order with last night's S'lichot service. Hamish is my new yiddish word for the season, meaning cozy or homey, for you who like me had Zaides & Bubies that kept the language to themselves. That describes all services at the Rabbi's house, which was an especially nice way to transition into the high holy day mood and melodies. It also served to underline my teshuvah for the season. The Rabbi drashed a little bit on the subject: in addition to the traditional teshuvah for missing the mark between humans and God and between human and each other, an overlooked but very important component is repairing the ways in which you have missed the mark with yourself.

This self-reflective, psychological aspect of teshuvah is of course much of what Rabbi Lew talks about in the meditation class. It sounds like much of what he has to say on the subject can be found in his book,
but there are bits that are worth highlighting, if just so I can get them clear in my head. He emphasizes the importance of Elul in the process of atonement (at-one-ment), and that's what we have dealt with the most. This week, he connected meditation with the week's parsha, which he finds particularly meaningful. Deut 30:11-14 says, in part (and from two different translations):

For this commandment, which I command thee this day, it is not too hard for thee, neither is it far off...No, the thing is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart...

This thing, what Rabbi Lew calls the pain sitting on the top of your heart right now, can be accessed through prayer (your mouth) and/or meditation (your heart). In other words, in the times when you have let go of your ego and have gotten outside yourself, that's when you glimpse it. They're the thoughts that seep into your consciousness when you're not looking, and keep doing so.

Now, I am still wresting with this one (but that's our lot, isn't it? :), because I'm not entirely sure I can trust the thoughts that creep up when my mind veers in shul to be any different from those that come up while stuck in traffic. When I voiced this on our way home from class that night, Amberly pointed to what is perhaps the right sign-post: when we are praying (really into it, not looking to see who just came into room) and when we meditate, we have different stimuli than we do the rest of the time (in traffic or whenever). That is to say: it's only ourselves. So if we're our only stimulus in these times, I can buy that just maybe the stuff that comes up again and again might be what our hearts are trying to tell us about ourselves.

I think I'll skip talking about Garry's class (since it is part of a different week) for now to just say that I had a wonderful shabbat. I went to davven with the Mission Minyan on Friday night, in the spirit of trying everything at least twice. While I don't find the spark that I find at Beyt Tikkun, it's not an altogether disagreeable service, and I was able to get my prayer on, if sometimes despite my surroundings. Saturday, I spent a quiet morning (silent is more precise, since Amberly is out of town) reading and studying. An afternoon walk to Dolores park led to a chance encounter with a friend, which is always nice. I do admit, I couldn't resist the temptation to tune in the Michigan football game on TV...I'm okay with that! Despite that slight backslide, I found what I had been missing for a while - the connection to, and being in, creation.

One thing that I still miss, and am finding is at the core of my teshuvah (and, as I said before, isn't new), is connecting with a community. After five years in this city, you'd think that wouldn't be the case...but this is a topic for another post.

L'shana tova, y'all.